Blood-Bath

A flash-fiction piece

“Forget the mud bath. Try a blood-bath!” Disgusted and intrigued, I googled it as soon as I got home, and went straight to the FAQs.

Here’s what I learned:

Eww, gross. Bathing in blood? Really? It may sound weird, so we’ve used a special substance to turn it blue so it doesn’t freak you out. We do have a special tub for non-dyed blood if you prefer a more realistic experience.

Isn’t it slimy? No. We use thinning agents, vitamins and moisturizers for a luxurious bath that you will leave glowing.

What kind of blood do you use? Is this ethical? We use human blood of every type. All humans were alive at the time of donation. We use blood that blood banks can’t use. All specimens have been tested and found to be non-harmful.

How old is the blood? Blood can be stored frozen for up to a year, but we use blood that is as fresh as possible.

What are the benefits? There are myths that it will make you look younger. While we can’t legally make claims like that, we think it could. We bathe in it regularly, and we feel great!

How much does it cost? Not an arm and a leg! See our Pricing page for special deals.

Is this safe? There are risks involved. The possibility of blood contamination is rare. We provide you with a special bathing suit. You must not have open wounds. All bathers must sign a waiver.

Can I drink the blood from the bath? Yes, but we don’t recommend it.

I’ll try anything once, and this would make for a great blog entry, so I signed up. The spa was a couple hours’ drive out in the country. Less spa and more farm, really. In front of a large red barn were several red tents. Naturally, they were blood red. Except for one that was a bright cerulean. That was the bathing tent.

I saw many cars parked in a field, and expected a long line. But the attendant was the only one there.

“Hi,” said the brunette woman with a half smile and a monotone. “Just a bit of paperwork. Please read and sign.”

The paper read:

“I understand that _____________________ is not responsible for any physical, emotional, mental, or other harm or loss of property that occurs while blood-bathing. In the rare circumstance that such an event occurs, I hereby release ____________ from any and all liability that may arise.”

I printed and signed my name with the ink pen provided. I was given a purple one-piece bathing suit. The changing stall was behind a deep purple that matched the bathing suit. It fit snugly and formed a kind of seal on my skin.

The attendant was waiting for me outside the stall with a clipboard. She pointed at an empty locker for me to place my clothes.

“Do you have any blisters, cuts, rashes, scabs, or open wounds?”

“No, but I have a skin tag.” I pointed to a small growth on my neck.

She marked something off. “Do you or any of your immediate family have a history of genetic disorders?”

“I don’t…think so…”

She made another mark. She looked me over, and motioned for me to turn around. I complied.

“Hold out your finger. I need a drop of your blood for testing.”

“Why do you need that?” I asked as she pricked me and then swiped my fingertip with an alcohol wipe.

“In the rare case that your blood mixes with the blood you’re bathing in, we need to make sure there is no possibility of any adverse reactions.”

“Has anyone ever had an adverse reaction?”

The woman looked at me over her glasses. “Not to the blood,” she said nonchalantly.

I shivered. What did she mean? Before I had time to ask what that meant, she handed me a plush lavender robe and matching towel. She led me towards a roped-off area at the other end of the tent. Beyond the rope was a thick velvet curtain. I could hear soft, smooth jazz playing.

The attendant pushed the curtain aside, revealing a steaming jacuzzi of bright blue liquid. I recalled that horseshoe crab blood was blue, and wondered how many creatures would produce this amount of blood. But this was human blood..

The air held a thick fragrance of jasmine, lavender, and something sweet.

“If you need anything, you can ring this bell,” the attendant said.

“Do you have any other questions before I go?”

I’d had plenty of questions, but now I couldn’t think of any.

She smiled for the first time, said, “Enjoy yourself,” then left. I shed the robe. I stepped forward, dipped my hand in. Warm and soothing. I stepped over the tub and slowly sank into the blue bubbling blood. It felt like water, smelled nice, and didn’t stain my skin like I expected. This was nice. Relaxing. I could fall asleep here.

I could close my eyes, just a moment, and enjoy the sensations of this amazing spa. As I drifted off, I was vaguely aware of a tickling sensation behind me. But I was so very, very relaxed.

Then I awoke. How long had I been out? I blinked. Gasped. The water was purple, thick, metallic and--searing pain all over the exposed areas of my body. Was I bleeding? I felt weak. I barely managed to sit up. The bell was just within reach. With all my strength, I extended my arm and pressed my finger on the button.

The bright ding pierced the air. I waited.

A cheery female voice interrupted the jazz.

“This concludes the blood-bath. We hope you’ve had a soothing experience. Someone will see you shortly. Thank you for your visit today.”

But I slunk beneath the blood-boiling surface before anyone came. My last thought was the curtains. They were the exact color of the liquid I was drowning in.